


Words I Should Have Said

by megamelfina



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Explicit Language, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24173692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megamelfina/pseuds/megamelfina
Summary: SquallxSeifer. A take on the 'Squall's Dead' approach to Final Fantasy VIII's story. Completed.
Relationships: Seifer Almasy/Squall Leonhart
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Final Fantasy VIII and all characters belong to Square Enix.

Your shoulder was angry red, the divot in your chest looking as though it pulsed with heat. The healing wound looked so different from the rest of your paper-white skin, out of place on your mostly unmarred body. I wanted to reach out and brush the wound, but I stopped myself. I didn’t want to hurt you, even though your magically induced coma was supposed to be protecting you from the pain. Instead, I settled for watching you, just touching your hand lightly with a single finger.

The room was so quiet. Not that the infirmary was ever really loud, but now, in your private room, the only sound was the machine breathing for you. It rhythmically plugged along, hissing as it filled your lungs with air unevenly. I watched your chest rise and fall, still stroking your hand, carefully avoiding the needle snaking into your vein. I wished for the thousandth time that you’d finally sit up, take the tape off your eyelids, and fix me with one of your icy glares. Yell at me for letting people take care of you. Yell at me for being such a blind idiot, so easily controlled. Following the tubes and wires hooking into your body with my eyes, I forced myself to swallow back yet another lump in my throat. 

“What are you still doing here?” Dr. Kadowaki bustled in with her usual supply cart, ready to clean your wound, give you another cure, and make sure your body was moved. The weeks of lying in a bed haven’t been kind. I can tell you’ve lost weight. You’ll be mad about the lost muscle when you wake up.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I don’t take my eyes off you. I know Doc is rolling her eyes behind me.

“Did you even try?”

“I have to be here when he wakes up.” I make my voice sound more stable than it actually feels. Dr. Kadowaki puts a hand on my shoulder. It’s warm compared to your cold one.

“He knows it wasn’t you.” She says as though it’s so simple, removing her hand and moving past me to examine you. I’ve watched her process for three weeks now, but I still get nervous as she tests your reflexes, shines a light in your eyes before securing them shut once more. I clench my hands into fists, praying that you’re still in there, healing, biding your time. It seems like forever before Doc turns around to face me.

“No change. His body is still responsive, at least. We’ll need to try and let him wake up soon.” I flinch at that but force my hands to relax. “Seifer, you need to get some sleep.” Doc says before I can speak up, folding her arms. It’s very Squall-like; you’d approve.

“I won’t leave him.” I can’t. I have to be here when you wake up. I have to apologize and tell you that I didn’t know what I was doing and that I love you and I would never, ever go another day without telling you that.

“If I wheel in another cot, will you please lie down for a while?” A soft hand touched my jaw and made me look up. I nodded, meeting Kadowaki’s chestnut eyes. “You can’t get too close. Be mindful of the tubes and don’t get tangled in the wires…” She trailed off as she left the room, propping the door open. I dropped my head again, staring at your pale skin, your nearly blue fingernails, the vein pulsing gently beneath your skin.

“Please don’t leave me…” I murmured. I hope you hear me, wherever you are.

* * *

_Lights and music blared as the float made its way through Deling City. Matron stood in the center, beautiful and full of confidence. I stood behind her, a smirk in place, my head filled with fog. I couldn’t remember how I got here, but the cheers from the crowd brought me pleasure. Something tingled in the back of my mind, telling me to enjoy it and just let go. I did._

_The fog clouding my mind didn’t really lift at all until I saw a car weaving through the street, squealing to a stop in front of the float. I looked around, seeing our parade float had been trapped behind a gate. When did that happen? I watched Matron float calmly to meet whoever got out of the car. My head felt full of bees as I stumbled forward, following her without really knowing why. I remember her voice soothing me as she told me to fight, and I did. My legs felt like gelatin and my head felt like it might float away at any moment, but I swung Hyperion with everything I had anyway, feeling like a poorly controlled marionette. There was pain, then there was shame, and then there was nothing as I slumped back next to Matron and a voice soothed me once more._

_The group of unfamiliar faces settled around Matron and started to fight. Dimly, I wondered what I should be doing. Magic was thrown back and forth, but my legs wouldn’t work. I couldn’t even close my eyes. All I could do was stare, mouth hanging open, drooling like I had been shot up with three doses of morphine. I couldn’t even pull it together when Matron finally lost her patience, ceasing the battle. I watched as she called up her sorceress magic. The air chilled and I could feel her power in my own bones, icy cold as it formed into something tangible. Was this real? Was I dreaming? I rubbed my cheek, feeling disconnected from my own hand. The fog in my mind shifted as I watched Edea throw the icicles, her golden eyes dead. It shifted again as I saw them hit their mark, knocking one of the fighters off the float._

_The fog in my mind broke apart as I recognized that face before it tumbled into darkness, recognized that scar between closed eyes. Something inside me shattered. The roaring in my ears built up until I thought my head would burst, the bees were angry, there was mocking laughter from somewhere nearby, and then suddenly there was blissful silence. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as I quickly leapt past the girl in blue, ignoring the familiarity I felt looking at her horrified face. I heard nothing as I jumped off the float without hesitation, landing rough on my knees next to the limp body. The pain helped keep my mind clear and I relished it, reaching for the man with shaking hands. The magic icicle stuck out of his chest vertically, the bottom half shattered against the pavement, warm blood pooling underneath to melt the broken shards into nothing._

_The body was pale, trembling as the blood poured out. I knew I shouldn’t move him, but there wasn’t another option. Using my own magic, I broke through the icicle near his chest with fire, scooping up the man as gently as I could. I used curative magic to try and stop the bleeding around the icicle’s stump as much as possible without doing more harm. I felt the sticky blood cascade down my own side as I supported the man, running, going for help. I thought I heard people calling my name. Was that even my name? My mind started to cloud over once more. Before the fog could take hold again, I forced myself to look down into the face of the fighter._

_“Squall.” I said aloud. My head cleared once more._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Fantasy VIII and all characters belong to Square Enix.

I opened my eyes and sat up too quickly, unsure of where I was. I was angry at myself for lying down until I remembered you were next to me, only an arm’s length away. I reached out, brushing past the wires, and touched your arm. Still cold. I rolled over and boosted myself up, groaning as I stretched. The sun was up, peeking through the trees outside of Garden and lighting up the copper tones in your hair. I tucked a lock back gently, tracing your scar with my thumb. You looked the same as yesterday.

I raised my arms overhead and stretched again, idly scratching my stomach. I wondered if today would be the day you’d open your eyes. I wondered if it would be the day your body decided it was too much to keep trying. Standing over your cot, I felt so helpless. It should have been me lying there between life and death. Not you. Never you.

“You finally get some sleep, man?” A light tapping on the door told me Zell was coming in. I straightened up and ran a hand through my hair, smoothed my t-shirt. I know, vain as ever. I imagined you rolling your eyes.

“Yeah.” Zell had come further into the room, lingering at your side and looking at your monitors as though it meant something to him. The short yet intense experiences he already had as a SeeD had mellowed him out considerably. You’d be proud to know I had stopped teasing him – for now, anyway.

“We had Edea’s service yesterday.” Zell spoke without making eye contact. I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” The other man flapped an arm at me.

“We all understand. Besides, someone had to stay here with Squall.” Zell bounced from foot to foot, trying to get rid of his anxious energy. “Things are getting back to normal out there. Looks like there won’t be a war after all.”

I just grunted in response, fixing my eyes on nothing in particular. It seemed so stupid. The mad sorceress had been taken down by a large group of adult SeeD soldiers, prepared for battle with a powerful enemy, junctioned to GFs with full stacks of high-level magic, while you lay here because you were sent to fight her with a ragtag team of new graduates, a cadet, and a girl playing revolutionary. It made my blood boil. I was angry at Garden, I was angry at Headmaster Cid, but most of all I was angry at myself. I let myself get swept up by the sorceress, and instead of fighting by your side, I somehow battled you instead. Would it have been different if I had been fighting her with you that night? Would we have beat her then and there? Could I have taken her blow instead? Hyne knew I deserved it.

“Seifer.” Zell’s voice broke through my thoughts. I closed my eyes, already knowing where he was going by his tone.

“No.”

“He signed off on the papers when he became a SeeD. We all did.”

“I don’t give a shit.” The corner of my mouth twitched, but I tried to push my anger down. It wasn’t going to help anything.

“It’s been weeks. Nothing is changing. Squall…wouldn’t want to stay like this.” The words were finally spoken. The group had been dancing around it for days now, and Doc had been bringing it up too. Instead of the anger I had been grappling with, I suddenly felt full of despair. It felt like a trapdoor just opened in my body and somehow spilled my guts all over the floor. Someone came by and stomped on my heart for good measure. I squeezed my eyes closed tighter.

“It’s already past the three weeks he listed in his directive. At some point, we have to follow his wishes, Seifer. If he can’t survive without the machines, we have to let him go.” The blonde was nearly whispering, not wanting to speak the words himself. I swallowed, refusing to open my eyes.

“He’ll wake up.” I felt my hands clenching into fists again. I dug my fingernails into my palm, trying to focus on the pain instead of my emotions. Sometimes I wished I could have your cool demeanor instead of my own fiery one.

“He might. But he might not. Either way, we can’t keep hooked up to this shit forever.”

“Why not?” I cringed. It was supposed to come out threatening, macho. Instead, it sounded like a childish plea. I felt the tears building up beneath my eyelids. One slipped out and ran its way down my cheek. I brushed it away angrily, biting the inside of my cheek to try and force the tears back into my skull.

“Seifer-” I cut off his soothing tone.

“I can’t! I have to tell him I’m sorry! It’s all my fault…” I opened my eyes, horrified to feel myself losing control and yet powerless to do anything about it. My face was flushed and I could feel the tears start pouring out of me, no longer drops but full rivers of sorrow making my face burn. My breath hitched and I tried to hold back my sobs as my hands shook at my sides.

“It’s not your fault-”

“It is my fault! I went to Timber to help him and instead…I wasn’t there when he needed me. I should have stopped her. I have to tell him I’m sorry, I have to tell him I love him…” The sobs escaped me now, there was no holding them back. I felt like a child again, overwhelmed by emotion. Had I even cried this hard as a child? I couldn’t remember a time when I felt this broken, this helpless. I barely noticed Zell’s wide eyes as he took in my words and my reaction. I ignored him and moved to your bedside instead, needing to be near you but still embarrassed that somewhere, wherever you were, you might see my breakdown. Just because I couldn’t stop didn’t mean that I wasn’t feeling ashamed of my childish display of emotion.

“Squall, please wake up…” I sobbed, grabbing your hand as tightly as I would dare and pressing it to my own chest. The guilt ripped through me and made me feel like I was being crushed. Tears dribbled down my chin, my nose was completely plugged up. My chest burned with a hollow pain, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could handle this. I was a mess, but there was no stopping it now – the dam had broken and everything I felt about you, about what happened, about me, it all poured out of me in tears and sweat. I felt my breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps as I tried to wrestle for control, willing the swirling thoughts to stop, to shut up, to go back into their corner where I could safely ignore them and protect myself. It was a losing battle until I felt a tiny prick in my upper arm, and then everything spun to black instead.

* * *

_“You’re such an idiot.” He said as we sat on the flat rock. I wasn’t looking at him, but I knew he had one of those rare side smiles on his face. I smiled myself, watching the waves roll into shore. The shame at failing another SeeD exam eased already in the presence of the brunette._

_“Ohh, my feelings, Leonhart.” I grinned, turning to him so I could catch that smile as he scoffed, slapping my arm. He leaned back on his hands, tilting his face to the sun. These were my favorite moments. In public, our teasing seemed cruel, hateful, but we couldn’t help ourselves. Our protective walls stopped us from showing anything else in front of others. In private, we could finally let our walls down and acknowledge each other – maybe not quite friends, but somewhere in between rivals and friends at least. I hoped, anyway._

_“I wish you would stop fucking around so you’d finally pass. How am I supposed to do this without you?” He was mostly teasing, but his voice became child-like towards the end. I realized he was scared. One point for friends._

_“I’m not going anywhere, Squally.” I smirked as he swatted me again. “Even if I’m not SeeD, I’ll follow you around until I am.” He glanced at me with a sad smile, those eyes of his saying more than his mouth ever would._

_“Do you still want it?” I was surprised at his question and thought for a moment._

_“I guess so. What else is there?” Squall sat up and tucked his knees under his chin._

_“I don’t know. But I don’t feel as excited as I thought I would about passing. I don’t know if this is what I want anymore. A life of fighting. So much responsibility.” His gray eyes reflected the ocean. This was the most I’ve heard Squall talk in a while. He was throwing it out so casually, but I knew it had probably been on his mind for a long time._

_“Well,” I stretched my legs out and threw an arm over his shoulder. “it’s not like you signed your life away to Garden. You can leave when you want, if you really want to do something else. This doesn’t have to be forever.”_

_“Yeah.” He sighed, a breeze ruffling his hair. “What about you? Are you still going to follow me?” The tone was sarcastic as he tilted his head to look at me, but I could read between the lines. His eyes narrowed, showing hints of anxiety and fear. Something else glittered behind those gray swirls too – something I sent back as he met my own gaze, locking eyes with me._

_“I’m not going to leave you, Squall. I’ll follow you wherever you go next. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” I squeezed his shoulder, images of Squall waiting for his ‘Sis’, abandoned and crying every night until he finally realized she wasn’t coming back flitting through my mind. No, I would never leave him._

_Squall lowered his head again and leaned on my shoulder, a rare sign of affection. I left my arm around him, his hair tickling my nose in the wind, the words I so desperately wanted to say stuck behind cowardly lips and teeth. I craned my neck and looked up into the clear sky._

_‘Tomorrow. I’ll tell him tomorrow.’_

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Fantasy VIII and all characters belong to Square Enix.

My mouth felt furry as I struggled to sit up. The world felt like it was rocking as I moved, making me swallow air to try and quell my nausea. I was back on a cot, this time pressed up right against yours. The tubes and wires had been moved to one side and secured, keeping them away from any flailing arms and legs. The beds were connected in the middle, one rail up on yours and the other rail up on mine, like some kind of makeshift crib for giants. I pushed off the scratchy blanket covering my lap. The morning sun had faded into an afternoon glow, and I realized I had slept away several precious hours.

“Seifer.” Dr. Kadowaki’s voice floated over to me. I blinked rapidly to clear my vision, and her form became focused. She stood on the other side of your cot. I could see others behind her, some standing, some sitting in plastic chairs. I struggled to sit up more, but Doc put her hand up silently, commanding me to hold still.

“Just stay there, Seifer.” I blinked, tears threatening to overtake me again.

“I’m not ready…” She smiled at me, her eyes hard yet kind.

“You never will be. But, have faith in him. Stay with him, right there. Ok?” Normally her babying tone would piss me off, but now I appreciated it. I felt like I was made of glass as I nodded, dizziness starting to abate, swallowing hard and taking your hand in mine. It seemed so small. I could feel the group’s eyes on me as I stroked the back of your hand. Dr. Kadowaki looked around the room, taking in each individual before proceeding. She didn’t ask if we were ready. I think she knew the answer anyway.

Quistis stood by your feet as Doc started to untangle some of the tubes. I saw the tears glittering in her eyes as she watched the machines start to go silent, one by one. I watched the rise and fall of your chest as the ventilator went silent, holding my breath as you exhaled and ceased moving. I grasped your hand harder, still holding my own breath, willing you to take one of your own, willing you to be strong because I was selfish and I couldn’t live without you.

Your chest rose with a rattle, a jerky movement but one that was your own all the same. The disconnected tubes whistled on your chest. Your lips parted slightly around the tube and I heard the breath escape as you exhaled on your own too, a wheezing breath that sounded horrible but still brought me immense joy. Selphie let out a happy sob from her chair, burying her face in Irvine’s jacket. Rinoa let out the breath she had been holding too. Even though they hadn’t known you long at all, they all recognized what was so special about you. I felt so proud of you in that moment, and looked at Doc, not able to voice my question as I listened to your breathing start to settle. She gave me a slight smile.

“We aren’t out of the woods yet, but this is a promising start. Without the pain of the ventilator, we can stop using magic to keep him asleep. We’ll take out the tubes but he’ll still need to get fluids intravenously. It’s up to him now to wake up. I don’t think there’s permanent damage to his brain, but we can’t be sure. He’s strong, but you all need to be prepared for both possibilities. It might be days before we know anything more.” 

I saw Quistis nod out of the corner of my eye – she always was pragmatic. She squeezed your foot before escorting Dr. Kadowaki back out. I sat on the cot, watching as Selphie gently kissed your cheek. She paused to squeeze my shoulder too before Irvine led her out. The girl wore her heart on her sleeve, and I loved her for it. Before long, I was alone again, trying to push down the hospital cot’s rail on my side so I could stand back up and resume my vigil at your side.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” Doc strode back in, wagging a finger.

“I can’t figure it out.” I pulled at the rail again. She surprised me with a laugh.

“I know. You’re staying right there, young man.” She brushed past, ignoring my plight and instead focusing on your IV, checking your pulse. I leaned back and crossed my arms. “Still going strong. I’m going to take out the rest of the tubes so he can breathe easier. Then we can cast Esuna to start reversing the coma. It’ll take at least a day before we see anything happen, most likely. The magic effects should dissipate immediately, but his body is going to be exhausted.”

“Will it work?” The words were so quiet even I barely heard them.

“Hopefully.” Doc never sugar-coated her words, and I appreciated the honesty. I hated false hope. “That’s why you’re staying right where you are. Help me sit him up a little.”

I scooched back over towards your cot and snaked an arm under your shoulders. I carefully tilted you forward, your body so limp against mine. You were always light to me, but now I could feel just how much your body was wasting away. I used my other hand to keep your head straight as Doc shoved a firm pillow behind you, adjusting the cot to angle up. I leaned you back as carefully as I could, surprised at how happy I felt to see you sitting up, even if it was just a tiny bit, and even if it was because you were propped up by my arm and pillows.

“Hm, I should hire you to help out more often. Hold him still for me.” I left my arm around you and braced you against the cot as Kadowaki reached for the tube snaking down your throat. I looked away, unable to watch her take them out. Even the sounds made me queasy. I was glad you were still asleep for this part. I felt the warm tingles of magic as Doc let a few spells run through your body, but I didn’t look back until I felt something warm and wet pressed into my hands.

“Here, wipe down his face. The tape always leaves sticky bits. I’m going to get the smaller heart monitor.” I gripped the warm cloth in my hands and turned back to your face. Without the tubes, you looked so much smaller. Your skin was still so pale, but I could see the small pink patches where the tape had irritated your always-sensitive skin. I used the washcloth as gently as I could to wipe away any traces of the sticky residue. I brushed it over your cheek, feeling some of the warmth sink into your cold skin. I traced your lips, noticing how dry and cracked they were. I carefully ran it over your eyelids, using the lightest touch I possibly could. I’ll be honest, having a job, even though it was so small, made me feel more stable, more grounded. 

I was trying to get a stubborn spot on the side of your nose when it happened. Your body tensed under me, and I worried I hurt you. I froze in place, the cloth still brushing your cheek. I watched as your eyes twitched beneath closed lids.

“Doc?” I called, but my voice cracked. Your eyelids fluttered, and I could see the whites of your eyes peeking out. “Doc!”

She came bustling back in, all business as she saw what was happening. As she reached down to grasp your tiny wrist, your eyes opened. Those stormy blues focused on me and I couldn’t breathe. I watched as the fog cleared, but I wasn’t prepared for the panic that replaced confusion. You thrashed, pulling your arm away from Dr. Kadowaki and knocking me away into the other bedrail, deceptively strong. I watched, stunned, as you yanked out your IV and tried to sit up on your own, hissing in pain. Your eyes were stormy seas, adrift, rolling back and forth in blind fear.

“Seifer! Damn it, hold him boy!” Like a good soldier, I followed Doc’s commanding tone and grabbed your arms, pinning them by your sides. As gently as I could, I drew you back towards my own body, hugging you to my chest. I could hear your wet gasps of panic, I could feel your body trembling as I tried to soothe you. I remembered the rain back at the orphanage, your tears over Sis, your panic at being left alone. I rocked gently like I had back then, whispering in your ear.

“It’s ok, Squall. You’re safe. You’re not alone. I’ve got you.” I held you tightly but let my fingers rub small, gentle circles on your bare arms as I watched Kadowaki prepare a syringe. As she stepped forward, it was my turn to hold up a hand, silently telling her to wait. Your body was still shaking but you had stopped struggling against me. Your breathing was more even. I relaxed my grip, still whispering in your ear.

“I…” Your voice was a tiny croak but I heard it, I _felt_ it in my own body as I pressed myself against you. My heart leapt. “Dr…eam…?” You started coughing then, your voice gone unused for too long, your throat irritated from the tubes forcing breath into your lungs. I winced for you – it sounded so painful.

“Squall, don’t try to talk. Just nod your head, ok?” Doc capped the syringe but didn’t put it down as she squatted in front of your cot. “Do you know where you are?”

I didn’t let go as you slowly turned your head, taking in your surroundings. You gave a quick nod. I squeezed your arm gently.

“Do you know who I am?” Another nod. “Do you know who that is?” She pointed at me. A moment’s hesitation, another nod. “Are you in pain?”

You tilted your head to the side, gave a shrug. I surprised myself by letting out a laugh.

“That means yes, Doc.” She smiled, finally setting aside the needle.

“Stubborn as ever. I can’t even believe you’re awake already. I should have known. Alright, a potion and then back to sleep. Wait here.” She left the room, leaving me alone with you. I watched as you turned your head to the side, eyes taking me in cautiously. I met your eyes and lifted a hand to cup your cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Squall. It’s all my fault.” You looked confused, lips tightening in a pale line. For the first time in a long while, I couldn’t quite read your expression. “I let her control me. I fought you on the float…I couldn’t shake her until I saw you falling…I thought you were dead…” I trailed off, not wanting to ramble, not wanting to cry again.

Your eyes narrowed, still confused as you traced a hand over your shoulder, feeling the huge scar from the icicle. They widened in surprise. You didn’t open your mouth, but I knew what you wanted to say. We’d always had that kind of connection.

“How much do you remember? The sorceress went mad. Edea…Matron…she wanted to go to war. They sent you to stop her – do you remember that? Deling City?” You nodded quickly, chocolate locks falling in front of your eyes. You looked up in irritation – your hair didn’t stop growing just because you were sleep. The expression made my heart swell. You were really awake, and really Squall. I brushed your hair out of the way.

“She…I don’t know. It was like a spell, and I couldn’t fight it…” You laid your hand over mine and squeezed. I shut my eyes. “Felt like I was stoned out of my mind. We fought on the parade float, but you kicked my ass.” I chuckled, feeling your body relax more against mine.

“You fought her too – Matron. With Rinoa and Irvine.” You nodded again. “She attacked you with some kind of ice magic. The icicle…it went right through you. You fell off the float. I snapped out of it when I realized it was you.”

You didn’t nod this time, but you did lean back against me completely. I tucked my chin against your good shoulder. I would never take this closeness for granted again.

“I was scared.” You twined your fingers between mine. I was surprised at the sudden intimacy from you, but didn’t dare say anything.

“I…had…” I tried to pry my hand away so I could lean you back against the pillows again, but you gripped me harder.

“You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Ni-ghtmare…” You started to cough again and this time you did let me lean you back against the pillow. Your lip had split and was starting to bleed. I arched an eyebrow at you.

“You were dreaming?” A stern nod. “Bad ones?” Your head bobbed again. You stabbed a finger at my chest, drawing a line over my heart.

“I…kill-ed…” You choked out between coughs. Your voice got even raspier as you kept trying to speak.

“You killed me?” A single nod. You left your head down, brown locks hanging in front of your face. “I’m ok, Squall. I’m right here. Everything’s ok.” I put a finger under your chin and tilt your head back up. I’m surprised to see your eyes shimmering with tears.

“Seemed pretty real, huh?” You nod again, slowly this time. “I didn’t think you could dream in magical sleep.” You shrug, furiously blinking away the unshed tears, scowling at showing emotion. It’s such a Squall expression. I can’t help myself. I lean forward and brush my lips against your rough ones, gently running my tongue over your bloodied lip. As I lean back, your eyes are so light, the color of a cloudy day, wide with shock.

I don’t say anything else. I settle back down next to you, straddling the small line between our cots. In the silence, I heard Kadowaki come back in. The timing is too perfect – I wonder how long she’s been listening at the door.

“Think you can drink this? It’ll help your throat too.” You nod again, your face still holding the barest traces of a blush, reaching for the vial. Potions never taste good, and I watch you grimace as you down it. Almost immediately I see your eyes grow foggy again, darkening once more, and I know Doc put a little something extra in there to help you sleep. Panic flickers in your eyes as you realize you’re drifting back to unconsciousness.

“It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere. Doc wouldn’t dare kick me out.” I smirked at her and she just smiled back. I touched your cheek gently. “No more nightmares.” Your gaze flicked between us and satisfied with that, you closed those gray-blue eyes and sank back into sleep. Kadowaki took your wrist again, ensuring your pulse stayed strong as your breathing deepened.

“I don’t know how he woke up already. Stubborn as all hell.” She muttered, shaking her head. I grinned.

“That’s Squall for you.” I squeezed your arm again, liking the feeling of your body settling back against my arm. Kadowaki notices and I see her smile briefly before turning her face away.

“Well, you need rest too. You can’t keep everything bottled up like that again, Seifer. Never thought I’d see you, of all people, have a panic attack.” I left my eyes on you, using my thumb to stroke your arm. “Guess only Squall can get to you like that, though.”

“I love him.” I said simply. The words were out there now, and I wouldn’t be taking them back. I shouldn’t have waited so long to say them out loud in the first place. Doc just smiled.

“I think everyone’s known that for a long time except for the two of you.” She laughed. I smiled sheepishly as she touched your forehead and checked your pulse once last time.

“Stay here tonight, Seifer. Get some rest yourself. Tomorrow we can start talking about Squall’s recovery. I expect you to be there to help.” Her eyes twinkled at me, knowing I wasn’t going to object. I had a feeling you were, though. With a final chuckle, she left the room, gently closing the door behind her. I snuggled back down into the cot, pulling up the scratchy blanket to cover us. I didn’t want to move away from you, so I gently pulled your body closer to me, leaning your head on my chest. You shifted and pressed next to me, nuzzling your head under my chin like a kitten.

“Lo-ve you too, Sei-fer…” You mumbled sleepily. I could only imagine the shocked face I pulled hearing your hoarse voice barely whisper the words, but it quickly became a huge grin I couldn’t stop from spreading across my face. I resisted the urge to pull you into a tight hug and instead settled for brushing my lips over your forehead, wrapping my arm around your back. A tiny noise of contentment from under my chin was the last thing I heard before I joined you in blissful slumber, heart soaring as for once, I looked forward to what the future might hold.


End file.
